live long and prosper: lifelessons101

Sounds like barbie to me!

I grew up with Barbie movies, Barbie songs, Barbie dolls, Barbie bags, basically everything Barbie. Lately my sister and I have been listening to Barbie songs and truthfully, I miss it. All the fun and imagination I get running wild in my head... ARGHHHHH

Life was so carefree back then.

My ultimate favourite Barbie movie has to be Princess and The Pauper. I mean that move is legitly my life back then. I'd dream being Erika and forced my sister to be Annalise (not sure of the spelling ahaha), just because she's more prim-and-proper and I'm a bit to the tomboy side I guess ahahahaha (~~I used to literally chase boys around the neighbourhood!!!~~). We'd sing and dance, we'd dream and dream...

Princess and the Pauper

Oh how magical!

From one Barbie movie leads to another and another and another!

It was as if I was re-living my childhood again! (HEARTS EYES!!!)

I watched Barbie and The Diamond Castle, Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses, and Barbie Mariposa.

Barbie and The Diamond Castle

Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses

Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess

It didn't take me a day to finish all of the Barbie movie marathon though. Took me quite a few, alongside the nagging and all by my mother about wasting time and stuff.

She's right BUT.... lemme just enjoy the last few days of freedom because.....

*Drumroll please*

College is starting soon!!!

As a matter of fact, it's in 2 days time from today! Just 2 more days until the battle begun.

I pray to Allah that I'll get through this stage of education with ease and more positive vibes because I NEED IT!!! Can't go around loathing myself all the time, it's depressing.

So I deleted all the sad songs (had about 40 of them, no kidding!) and decided to download happy songs like, Happy by Pharrel, Shake It Off by Taylor Swift, Cheap Thrills by Sia, All About That Base by Meagan Trainor, Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon, Hogwarts Hogwarts Hoggy Warty Hogwarts that I got from Youtube and etc. I also downloaded a few nasyeed and zikir songs to keep the spirits up. My favourite is Ya Nabi Salam Alayka by Maher Zain.

After downloading these positive vibes songs, I feel much better. seriously those emo and depressing songs just put me in a sad mode almost 24/7 *cries*

I can't remember why I downloaded those songs though. Not saying those songs are bad to everybody and none of you should listen to it but it put me in a negative mode all the time, it messed me up.

Just let the positive vibes in and be happy with life! Live in the moment and stop worrying too much about your future. You are right here at the moment, make the best out of it!

#LifeLessons101: Do What Makes You Happy

Note: The beautiful pictures above aren't mine. Credits to the owners

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Assalammualaikum and hey everyone!

To those who are fasting in this month of Ramadhan, I’ll pray that you’ll have a smoother and better fast than the previous one. Amin.

Soooo.....

I haven’t been updating in a while and I really wanted to write a new entry.

First up: whatever the things that have been happening in my life, so far (before Ramadhan starts)

It's been 7 months or so since my SPM days and to be frank, I really do miss it. I miss the easiness of life then, how we don't have A LOT of responsibilities to worry about and I miss the cheap canteen food.

(But we did complaint about how pricey the canteen food were anyways. I guess now that I'm out there in the wide world I realized, it wasn't that bad; the price)

But that's life. You'll need to grow up day by day; each day that passes by is an opportunity for you to become a better person physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

No, I didn't just copy and paste that sentence. It is actually the truth.

Never let a day pass by without you improving yourself. Make use of every hour that goes by in your life. Stop wasting time.

Being 18 isn't easy, especially for someone who refuses to grow up. Being 18 isn't easy, especially for someone who's still treasuring her life at 17.

#LifeLessons101: Move on and let go of your doubts and worries.

In short, my life after SPM:

signed up for a part time job

signed up for a driving class

met up with one of my tuition teachers (it was a one-of-a-kind experience)

passed the computer test

quit working

a JPA scholar (alhamdulillah!)

arguing over this year's Raya clothes

had a hard time choosing pre-U courses (A-Levels VS STPM VS Matriculation VS Foundation) and career pathways (Law VS Medicine) (will write about those two later)

attended the JPA-Sunway University Briefing (and toured the hostel provided for the JPA holders that enrolled in Sunway University)

failed the JPJ KPP03 test (also will have to write about that one *sobs*)

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A-Levels VS STPM VS Matriculation VS Foundation

It was hard choosing. Obviously when I was younger, I was like "A-Levels all the way!!!!!" but growing up and going through life, things aren't always easy.

Of course I have my own personal reasons as to why I decided to cross out A-Levels in my list. It was done with a heavy, crying heart really because UK is one of the countries in the world I really wanna go to. So when I had to make that decision I know, deep down in my heart, even if I can't go there anytime soon, I'll definitely step a foot there one day!

Because I have ruled out A-Levels in my options list, I have the STPM choice. Honestly, my mother supported this option. She herself was offered a form 6 placement after SPM but was also offered a scholarship in which she chose the latter. Had she not been offered any scholarships, she would've opted for STPM in a split second. Plus, it is also universally recognised, an equivalent to A-Levels. So I thought why not?

Matriculation came into the picture. Really I didn't know about this one until my school told me about it. I honestly don't really know the layout of this program, didn't really give it much thought. All I knew was that if I am not offered STPM, Matriculation is my choice.

I avoided Foundation studies in the first place, mainly because in December 2015, I wasn't sure of my future. So I needed that time gap (filled with studies and test psshh) to give myself a clear picture of my future. Now that I'm (kinda) sure, I decided to pursue foundation studies.

Basically, I wanted an international exposure academically, especially in higher education. Besides broadening my perspective on universal views, it will allow me to grow as a person mentally and emotionally. It isn’t that I thought local universities aren’t as good as the ones overseas, in which some of our local universities are great to be honest; I just wanted that international exposure.

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MONTH OF RAMADHAN IS HERE, ALHAMDULILLAH!

First day of Ramadhan has passed by smoothly for me and I hope that that’s the same case for you too, Insya-Allah. The month of Ramadhan is filled with blessings and rewards from Allah Subhanawa Ta’ala so do grab them.

Make extra effort for this special month.

TRY YOUR BEST to perform jemaah prayers at the mosque, at least for one or two fardhu prayers

TRY to be consistent in your tarawih at the mosque

Recite and understand the Quran and khatam at least once before Ramadhan ends

Lessen entertainment time i.e. watching movies/TV, listening to music

Lessen the amount of time you spend fiddling with your gadgets

Talk less

Perform sunat prayers i.e. Rawatib, Tahajjud, Taubah

Note that in a couple of the things in the list I mentioned as ‘Lessen’ or ‘Spend less time….’. Gradually, you can avoid doing those things.

This list is also a checklist for myself. Honestly, Allah SWT has locked up the ultimate distraction, Syaitan, for us for the whole month. We only need to fight against our nafsu. You can do this guys.

Keep telling yourself “This time around, during Ramadhan I will be a better muslim/muslimah. I will pray 5 times a day to become a better servant to Allah. Insya Allah. Amin.”

#LifeLessons101: Always improve yourself everyday.

Also, I have grown fond of learning the meaning of surah from the Quran through Ustaz Nouman’s teachings via videos on Youtube. His videos, in my opinion, are easy to understand and he has a very deep understanding of Quranic Arabic language. The understanding of Quranic Arabic is very important because it tends to be more intense in meanings than modern Arabic. Often, the meaning of the aayat in the surah in the Quran got lost in translations when people make tafsir of translations book of the Quran.

You can watch his videos on Youtube. The channel is called Quran Weekly. He’s also a founder of BayyinahTV which discusses on Quranic and Arabic studies. He teaches Arabic language via videos called, Arabic with Husna. Husna is his daughter and I find it beautiful and adorable that father and daughter bond through a very beautiful language.

Last night, he made a live streaming video about Surah Al-Baqarah. The discussion is very deep and intense and he decoded the aayat with such description that made you realize, MashaAllah, Allah is Great and Powerful. He knows it all.

After watching this video and took time reflecting upon myself, I realized I came and read Quran without humility. I came to it without the conscience of me, as servant of Allah, who still doesn't know anything. And that's the key. To come and look and read the Quran with humility not with pride or curiosity.
#LifeLessons101: Approach something with the right attitude.

Because the first aayat of Surah Al-Baqarah is Alif-Lam-Mim. It means nothing to us humans but it has its values and benefits. The second aayat translates as 'that is THE book that has no doubt in it.'
Ustaz Nouman also stresses on the meaning of 'غيب' which means a kind of doubt that disturbes you on the inside that makes you have sleepless nights and uneasy heart.
It means to tell us that if us seek to be cleared of your doubts then it will give you what you want, so long if u seek it (that book; Quran) with humility.
#LifeLessons101: You will always need guidance. Seek it.
MashaAllah. What a beautiful meaning. What a beautiful aayat. Indeed Allah is the Almighty.
Give this video a watch, please do. It opens my eyes as to what kind of attitude I should put on when I want to seek and read the Quran. I hope it will give you a new insight and may you benefit from this video. Insya Allah.
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I hope that you'll have a nice day and whatever happens, put a smile on your face and be happy and positive.
Until I write again, Insya Allah

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If you're reading this, please read it from the start till the end. It's a story of my life at a phase so dark I couldn't tell myself to take it slow and steady.

So here we begin.

Somebody asked me last year, "Do you really love your parents?"

Automatically my brain tell me to say yes because hey, I SHOULD LOVE MY PARENTS!!

But last year, being 17, my heart wasn't in agreement with my brain whenever somebody asked me that question.

Back then (as if last year was a really long time ago...) I truly felt unloved. My parents were, and still are, very busy with work. I'm not a person to really open up my feelings and have long deep conversation about what's going inside my head so I have a really hard time expressing my doubts and inner thoughts to my parents, especially my mom.

I remembered when I finally mustered all courage I had, knocked on my mom's bedroom door and walked in. She was tired from work and it was close to 11pm. It was obvious she just wanted to dump herself on her bed but I refused to back down. It's now or never, I convinced myself.

Lump will always form in my throat each time I try to express my inner thoughts. It's sort of like anxiety, fear of being so vulnerable and exposed. So when I let out my feelings and thoughts to only found out my mom wasn't actually listening, I was disappointed and furious. Her mind was elsewhere and she was tired but I figured if your child comes to you with a problem, you're ought to listen and help as parents should.

Since then, I never ever express my thoughts. I shoved in deep down at the corner of my mind. I told myself, "well if they aren't listenig, don't bother trying to make them notice!" I was angry.

Somebody asked me this year, in February to be exact, "Do you really love your parents?"

I paused, looked at that person in the eye and said, "Yes. Yes I do."

During the course of me being angry towards my parents, not talking to them unless necessary, doing things on my own and refusing any help offered, I neglected family time. I avoided any family dinners, family functions, family outings whatever. Also last year, I sat for SPM so I used it as an excuse to stay at home when my parents wanted to have family dinner outside.

"If they can't appreciate you, don't ever try to prove to them you're worthy. It's just a waste of time." I told myself.

I thought I was winning you know. But really I felt lonely. Obviously my youngest sister prefer my other younger sister over me. My mom laughed with my sisters and brothers and kept a cool facade in front of me.

I felt really unloved. I blamed her. I blamed my family. I blamed life.

It took me quite a while to realise it was all my fault all along. My mom is trying her best to juggle her work at the office and at home. She's the first to wake up (at 4.30/5 am) on school days and cook and wake us all up to get ready for school.

What did I do all this while? I blamed her.

I felt so worthless and stupid and sad.

One of the moments in my life that truly made me really appreciate my family was when I started working. I was gravely sick one day and had to take a leave. It was so bad I coudn't get out of bed. When my MC is over and resumed working, I realised nobody truly cares for your well-being but your family. It was a harsh truth but I accepted it.

Then I received a birthday card, secretly sneaked into my new bag (bought by my mom this year.) by my mother. I read it and cried. I cried and cried because only then I fully and finally realized the importance of family.

So I made an effort to be more involved in the family. Talk more, joke more, smile more, laugh more. Because deep down, I love my mom. I love her. It's not just a cliche thing because it's true.

#LifeLessons101: Appreciate your family. Love your family

I would also like to clarify that I'm posting because just to say that in case if any of you that are reading this, who is facing a similar problem as mine, then you're not alone.

If you haven't come to terms with anybody, not just your family, then I pray and hope you do not hate them in the process.

Do not result to hatred and resentment and anger if things do not turn out as you planned or would've liked. Do not shy away from the world and think you're a failure. Instead, take it as a learning curve and an opportunity to improve yourself and become a better person.

#LifeLessons101: Smile a little wider. Laugh a little louder. Be more positive, less judgmental.

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So here's a few tips (not that I'm the best person to counsel on family problems/relationships or anything) but here's my take:

KEEP A RATIONAL MIND AND BE REASONABLE

When you're in a situation where you are in disagreement with your family members (and sometimes small arguments turn into a huge fight), remember be rational. Talk things through and come to an agreement... together.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Ask yourself this: Do you really know your sister/brother/mother/father/grandparents that well? Are you close to each other? Can you engage in a really long conversation without any awkwardness?

If the answer is yes then you're on the right track. However, if it's no then work on your communication with them. They're your family. They're always worth your time anyday

LOVE BINDS PEOPLE TOGETHER

Whatever that happens in the past between you and your family, let it go. Forgive them but never forget. That is not so say that you should/have to hold grudges but the principle or concept of "forgive but never forget" is mainly to not let history repeat itself. It serves as to give you a lesson as to when it happens again in the future, you would know better.

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At the end of the day, it's best to always think good of people. In fact, the Prophet Rasulullah, peace be upon him, encouraged us to think good of people and shy away from insulting or treating them ill.

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The fight is over. The battle is won.

Alhamdulillah!

The day I received my SPM result slip, well it wasn't an actual slip though. I was one of the three students that their slips slipped out of the huge pile of other result slips at the ministry of examinations office.

How cruel! How. Cruel.

Apart from that day itself being my birthday and SPM result day, I had expected myself to be nervous. I even acted nervous. I held hands with my friends, Sangeetha and Sharmilee. (We are the SAS gang!!! Hehehehehhehe) Contemplated with my mother what if I get bad results and even asked my brother other life options if I ever get any Cs in my results, in which he denied confidently.

"You've been working hard all this while. Getting a C in your result would be impossible!" He said.

I frowned on the inside.

Alhamdulillah, my results are good. Great even! Like I said, my actual result slip accidentally 'tercicir' so I got this 'copy' of my results. It was basically a plain A4 paper with my results at the very bottom in very small fonts. There was my name and ONLY codes of the SPM papers I sat for. I didn't even remember the codes (it was a huge anti-climatic, let down, whatever you call it moment!)

Thanks!

I counted the results and the grades. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I looked at all the other girls around me that cried, or screamed or laughed hysterically; I wanted a reaction of myself but it didn't show.

I was..... emotionless.

You see months and months before the real SPM day, I worked day and night. There were blood (literally ok. I bled my fingers and cried) and sweats and tears and desperation, deprivation, devastation; there was everything.

At one point, I felt like dying. I thought of my future and how I wanted to pursue medicine, how scared I was to pursue it, how I hesitantly wanted it and how in the end I want it so badly I could cry oceans of tears. I thought about the amount of cash it would cost me to pursue this noble field of discipline, how I don't have that much of money, how I don't want to burden anyone with that huge amount of cash. I knew I had to get a scholarship, or maybe scholarships.

It wasn't easy. I focused my energy in my studies, forgetting that I neglected my curricular activities, then cursing myself to why I wasn't as active as other students. There were a lot of pessimistic thoughts and demotivating spirits in me that I didn't know and still don't know how to fight back.

The battle between yourself is the hardest to win over and in my case, I haven't win that battle..... yet.

If I could give a piece of advice, then I would say, take it a step at a time. Don't rush things. It's good to look into the 10 years ahead thingy but what about the present? What about NOW?

Learn how to make friends and how to KEEP them. Learn how to see your faults, mistakes, setbacks, disappointments as learning curves so in the end, you won't feel like killing yourself.

Learn how to forgive yourself, to pick yourself up, to gain that inner motivation and drive to keep pushing yourself forward.

Because your life doesn't end after SPM. Your life starts after SPM. (Quoted that from a teacher of mine.)

#LifeLessons101: You have to fight the bad days to get the good days

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I had the best days. I had the worst days. It all happens to everybody no matter where they are.

Often times I was called "too naive", "innocent", "immature" and "too kind". Initially I would defend myself. Especially when a person calls me innocent in a sarcastic tone when I don't understand a provocative or a sexual word.

What is wrong with not knowing anything about porn or not using profanities in daily life? I have the right to choose and use words I am comfortable conversing in. As well as you, you have the same right as me. No difference!

What is wrong in being kind? So what if I give a man on the streets a couple ringgit or if I do extra working shifts when one of my colleagues called in sick? So what?!

So what if I think well of people? So what if I believe everyone is good natured at heart?

Though, the last opinion "So what if I believe everyone is good natured at heart?" can be dangerous for a person in the future. That thought itself lowers your guard around people and makes you trust them way too easily.

#LifeLessons101: Not everybody is good natured at heart

Alhamdulillah, I haven't been in a situation where a person use me in any bad manner.

But if being kind makes you less of an independant and strong person then I have to disagree. Pure kindness and sincerity is very rare nowadays. How many people do something out of their own will or just because they want to and do not ask for anything in return?

NOTE: The proceeding cotent is in no means to jeopardize or discriminate or opress or "membuka aib" (talk bad) about any party. It is a mere situation I witnessed a few days back that inspired a part of this post.

I once overheard a couple (I assumed) arguing in public. The husband angrily scolded his wife for being "too kind" to their staffs. The wife's face was scrunched up, eyes furrowed. The muscles of her arms tensed. The public humiliation was unbearable for her, for anyone in that matter. If she was holding back her tears, she did a very good job at it.

Being kind is not a bad thing. In fact, we need it in today's world. So many people out there are being mistreated. How many poeple out there who don't understand the word "humanity"?

Often, kindness is being misunderstood as easily taken advantage of, which is totally different. You can be stern and strict AND AT THE SAME TIME be kind to others. You can still be headstrong and independant and be kind AT THE SAME TIME.

Being kind is a blessing. Being kind touches a person's soul. Bering kind makes you more friendly and easily approached to be acquainted. Being kind does nothing to shame your dignity. Being kind only makes you a little more respectable.

Teach your friend, family, lover, spouse, or even a stranger to be kind. It doesn't take or need a lot. It doesn't necessarily requires cash or wealth or beauty or talent to be kind. It's the little things in life that you can do to help a person or a cat or a dog or any living things to be kind.

A smile is a gesture of kindness. A helping hand is a form of kindness. A simple hello or a wish or a greeting is kindness. It really is isn't "too much to ask".

Make a goal or a checklist.

Greet a person hello.
Wish a person a good day.
Help a person to carry their grocery.
Help your friend in Maths class.
Share your lunch with that friend who struggles to earn a penny even for a day.
Have a long meaningful conversation with a person.
Help an elderly or a blind person cross the road.
Give a homeless man a shirt and/or some food
Rescue a cat or a dog
Tell a stranger he/she looks beautiful

There are so many things in life that can come to you as a pure joy and excitement rather than bullying a person or burying your nose in your smartphone or your laptop.

Go out and meet people. Go out and help the community. Go out and do something. Just do something. Just. Do. It.

Because if ever you're stuck whether to be kind or to not be kind, choose the former. The best revenge is always kindness. Or at least to me it is.

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A-Levels VS STPM VS Matriculation VS Foundation

MONTH OF RAMADHAN IS HERE, ALHAMDULILLAH!

So here's a few tips (not that I'm the best person to counsel on family problems/relationships or anything) but here's my take:

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