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live long and prosper





Hello!  

It's been a while since I've last blogged, even longer since I've last felt the impulse to pen something down on anything—paper, receipts, corners of random books, whatever — that when I started again a few days back, I felt like crying.  

My mind is always in a rush, even in moments of peace and silence. My thought tracks could never keep up. My mouth gave up without scarcely attempting. Ironic, isn't it, that I have so many regrets over words I've said.   

Currently, I'm on a semester break and this time should be spent on learning new skills or forging memories to blanket the silent nights. I have so many of those. Nights where everything and everyone around me is full of noise and chatter, but it's all silent and mute in my head. Those still nights are when I needed the happy memories the most.   

I read this book called Silent by Erling Kagge and in some pages, I cried. In others, I resonated. Silence came easy for me. I could foster it in moments of extreme chaos, a hollow white noise on repeat, to escape or bathe in. It's like a religion. Most times, it's all I could think about. Yearning, craving, needing.   

Despite that, even when I knew I needed new memories to decorate the silent nights with noises in my head, I discover myself hibernating. It's a cycle when I realised it to be what it is. Whenever I'm on my semester breaks, I disconnect from the world and shut myself in and up.   

So, it's a welcome surprise when I went out today with Durrah to explore an art gallery in Publika. A decade of masterpieces from Fadilah Karim graced the walls of the spacious room, and I was transported to another time of years back where in the middle of a gigantic art gallery in Zurich, paintings surrounding every radius of four walls and there I was with a sketchbook in my lap and my right hand itching to draw everything, anything.  

Every so often I think, visiting art galleries isn't so much about understanding arts, but a space of time of breathtaking silence. The vibrant and muted visuals bursting through the cadence of white noise always tug my heartstrings. In those moments, I constantly wonder, I understand why and how I can be so ecstatic only to be so depressed. For upon realisation that this —the silence, the colours, the noises or rather the lack thereof, all in its kaleidoscope — is what I've been searching for. Regrettably, it lasts only for so long until invisible hands clapping to disturb that silent. Almost as if snapping oneself out of reverie.   

Therein lies the problem. I don't think, and I habitually think this way, that I ever wanted to be snapped out of reverie. There's a disillusioned feeling to be soaked in the noise and chatter, especially when they're unwarranted. And yet, it's insurmountable, I've come to admit, to be constantly lost floating in oceans of imaginations. Veto players will surely haul you out to the shore, and here's the bitter hard truth. Life Reality is cramped of noises and chatter and crappy stuff to be done. I try to find comfort in that.    

Durrah
Paintings in the background are by Fadilah Karim   


By Fadilah Karim
I like to think that whatever the real message is behind this painting, its essence is rumination.
   


By Fadilah Karim
When I saw this painting, my first two coherent thoughts were joy and adore.
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I keep wanting to run away
To shut myself out
Wishing I never knew anybody
Wishing I never existed
Alone

I wonder
To all the people I have met
Who am I in their eyes?
Who am I in their minds?
A psycho sick game

Just another person
Just another soul
Not worth keeping
Not worth remembering
A shadow amidst light

It's gonna be okay
It's gonna be fine
You, in the silence
It'll be okay
It'll be fine

You, in the dark
It'll all turn out well
It'll all pass
Just remember
That all good things lasts

So when they blow the whistle
An end is coming
They're coming to get you
Know that I'll be there
Holding your hand

It'll be fine
It'll all be okay
It'll all pass
The storm will vanish
The Sun will rise
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Soft brush strokes
On the oil canvas
Barely visible
Barely there
Just like her,

Like moon
Hidden behind dark
clouds
Face a half,
Hair curtained

Laughs and snorts
Cynical and not
Pebbles and rocks
Dirty socks
Dirty mocks

Scars and marks
Hidden a half
Trembling hands
Shaking heads
Her

Shed tears do not
It's the drought
What else is there
Sand clock stops
Time is up

Whisper
to the light
Shadows on the
street
stay do not

For it is the
drought
The end of times
Regret not
She's all well

Well
At least for now
While the sand
stops
Time is up

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Taking off  ―  ONE OK ROCK


ONE OK ROCK edits.

This is my first time editing pictures and actually posting it up online. The jittery anxiety-rush feeling is kicking in. This must be the fight-or-flight response Ms Ily talks about in Biology class. (I still have yet to blog about my college life. It's so very long overdue hmmmpphhh)

The images are from their music video. I just sorta print screen it. It's the beginners how-to editing pictures anyways and the easiest. And also because have you seen any of my artworks?

JUST. DON'T.

YOUR EYES WILL BLEED AND I'VE GOT NO MONEY TO COVER YOUR HOSPITAL BILLS.



But in all honesty, do check ONE OK ROCK out. They're a Japanese rock band which I discovered a few years back but back then I never really paid much attention to them. It's only after SPM that I really listen to their songs and I am hooked!! They were under A-Sketch (or was it Amuse Inc. I don't really know) but they've recently changed labels to Fueled by Ramen which is my most favourite music label cause Twenty One Pilots and Paramore are under these guys.

[[[You know, I like to believe the founders of Fueled by Ramen loves ramen and Japanese culture so much that they're driven by ramen. And one day in a ramen shop eating ramen blisfully, one of them (I like to picture it's two or three guys) said "Hey! Let's make a music label company cause like this ramen is hella good!!" and one of them would jokingly say, "And we'll name it The Power of Ramen". AHAHAHAHHAA. But little did they know, everybody is just so serious that without them realizing, they've got paperwork done, strategies outlined, preferences agreed and even some gigs or bands interested to join them. They started out fresh and from scratch, having not so good connection made it tougher but they preservered through. Hit rock bottom, they restartegized, even changing their label name to Fueled by Ramen because ramen is godly and heavenly and like why should we not use the world RAMEN?? So, a new year marked a newly reborn music label with better startegies, management and clearer goals and directions. And today, Fueled by Ramen is what we know of; a label with unique artists with diverse music preferences.

Of course, that's just my imagination. I believe they have their own story but whoever you guys are, I love you and I'd like to meet you and treat you for a ramen lunch. And perhaps you can give me free tickets to ONE OK ROCK concerts....? And also Twenty One Pilots....?]]]


Back to ONE OK ROCK

You guys can check out the members profile online; just Google it; and their discography. Personally, I think that their Japanese songs are very unique because while most Japanese artists go for the generic pop songs ― the dance-to-the-beat-songs-which-the-lyrics-don't-really-make-sense-but-still-a-very-catchy-song song ― ONE OK ROCK takes on rock, hardcore rock, pop rock and even ballad with their own twist (check out Mighty Long Fall, The Beginning, Clock Strikes, Last Dance and Wherever You Are). I extremely and deeply love their songs mostly for the lyrics.

Taka (the vocalist) writes most of the songs and I find him to be a very deep person. Songs like Be The Light, Deeper and Deeper, The Way Back, Liar, and Clock Strikes all have deep meanings behind the lyrics. Either talking about tough times, or being emotionally used as puppets, or being betrayed or just being happy without regrets; ONE OK ROCK seems to be bang on in delivering these messages through their songs.

My favourite song by them has to be Mighty Long Fall. I know, most fans' favourite would be The Beginning, but somehow Mighty Long Fall is my pick. Not to mention I've been listening to that song on repeat non-stop for days it even annoys my siblings off their heads.



Their live performances is a MUST WATCH because they sound just as good, or even perhaps better, live. Especially when performing their Japanese songs from Jinsei x Boku album. I find that Taka delivers a slice of rawness and more in-depth emotions into the songs they played live. Especially during Liar live performance. For beginners, do listen to their Yokohama Live Concert 2014. It's legit heavenly and pure bliss.

But if you're not a fan of rock music, please do check out Wherever You Are. It's a song Taka wrote for his sound engineer who's getting married. This song just make me go AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW





Things to add to eternally long list of My Bucket List:
    - See ONE OK ROCK live
    - Get Toru to teach me his hair flips cause God damn son! IT'S GORGEOUS


As a proof, please enjoy and drool over him if you'd like:






shades of green too cool

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We scream until our chest hurt
So that the emotional strain doesn't hurt as much
We cry until our eyes red and dry
To make up for all the 'sorry's we couldn't say
We laugh until our stomach burn in pain
To mask the sorrow hovering our hearts
We smile that fake insincere smile
To fool ourselves that this can be better.

We are all fools
Aren't we?
We are all liars
Aren't we?
We're all pretenders
Aren't we?
And somehow, with downcast eyes and firm hands
We say
'Honesty and truth will set you free'

Fools
Liars
Pretenders
That's what we are
Until we decided it's no longer
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Sounds like barbie to me!

I grew up with Barbie movies, Barbie songs, Barbie dolls, Barbie bags, basically everything Barbie. Lately my sister and I have been listening to Barbie songs and truthfully, I miss it. All the fun and imagination I get running wild in my head... ARGHHHHH 

Life was so carefree back then.

My ultimate favourite Barbie movie has to be Princess and The Pauper. I mean that move is legitly my life back then. I'd dream being Erika and forced my sister to be Annalise (not sure of the spelling ahaha), just because she's more prim-and-proper and I'm a bit to the tomboy side I guess ahahahaha (I used to literally chase boys around the neighbourhood!!!). We'd sing and dance, we'd dream and dream...

Princess and the Pauper


Oh how magical!

From one Barbie movie leads to another and another and another!

It was as if I was re-living my childhood again! (HEARTS EYES!!!)

I watched Barbie and The Diamond Castle, Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses, and Barbie Mariposa.

Barbie and The Diamond Castle


Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses

Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess



It didn't take me a day to finish all of the Barbie movie marathon though. Took me quite a few, alongside the nagging and all by my mother about wasting time and stuff.

She's right BUT.... lemme just enjoy the last few days of freedom because.....

*Drumroll please*

College is starting soon!!!

As a matter of fact, it's in 2 days time from today! Just 2 more days until the battle begun.

I pray to Allah that I'll get through this stage of education with ease and more positive vibes because I NEED IT!!! Can't go around loathing myself all the time, it's depressing.

So I deleted all the sad songs (had about 40 of them, no kidding!) and decided to download happy songs like, Happy by Pharrel, Shake It Off by Taylor Swift, Cheap Thrills by Sia, All About That Base by Meagan Trainor, Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon, Hogwarts Hogwarts Hoggy Warty Hogwarts that I got from Youtube and etc. I also downloaded a few nasyeed and zikir songs to keep the spirits up. My favourite is Ya Nabi Salam Alayka by Maher Zain. 














After downloading these positive vibes songs, I feel much better. seriously those emo and depressing songs just put me in a sad mode almost 24/7 *cries*

I can't remember why I downloaded those songs though. Not saying those songs are bad to everybody and none of you should listen to it but it put me in a negative mode all the time, it messed me up. 

Just let the positive vibes in and be happy with life! Live in the moment and stop worrying too much about your future. You are right here at the moment, make the best out of it!

#LifeLessons101: Do What Makes You Happy


Note: The beautiful pictures above aren't mine. Credits to the owners
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These pictures are't mine. Found it on Google images. Credits to the owner(s).



The blessed month of Ramadan is about to come to its end. I am very sad to be honest. This is the month where, in a literal context, Allah SWT offered us a huge sale for pahala and open the doors of heavens for us. Also this is the month where the cunning devils, syaitan, gets locked up, unable to persuade mankind to stray away from the right path, all in the power of Allah SWT. Subhanallah!

Since Ramadan is really a precious month, my mother has unofficially enforced this new "rule" that in our household: to gather as a family to just openly discuss about stuffs including religions and relationships.

So a few days ago was our third "gathering". As I said earlier, Ramadhan is about to bid goodbye and we all shared our opinions on what we've learned or achieved or gained or lost so far for 23 days of fasting. Each of my siblings and my mother has different opinions, surely, and some of the answers are:

"It makes me realise that whatever Ibadah I did during the month of fasting, I can surely do it daily. No excuses."

"It's not just about refraining yourself from eating, drinking etc. It also tests your patience. It tests your inner and mental strength. It tells you that sometimes life can be so hard you couldn't see a way out of this sticky mess, but for those who believes in Allah and keep his/her taqwa in check, there's a reward waiting for you."

"It humbles me and it put me to a waking state of mind that every single second is priceless and you shouldn't waste any of it. Make use of each second you have to build a prosperous life on Earth and a  guarantee for the afterlife. It makes me realise that some people out there have little to nothing to break their fast with or to sahur with so I have and always have to be grateful."

These different answers, they baffled and amazes me and it got me thinking, do I feel the same way? Has Ramadan changed me to become a better person? If it did have, I will have to be strong to keep it that way. That's why, I think, it's really important for a family to sit down together and just talk ––– on religious matters or whatever. To be able to see different perspectives from different people, it just makes you sit back and re evaluate yourself. It lets you reflect on yourself.

Some people misunderstand the concept of self-reflection. Some would go and say "what have I achieved today?" or "how much money have I made today so that I can spend more on clothes/food/games/accessories/gadgets/etc?" or "how many people have appreciated my work and efforts today?" or even "how do people perceive my choice of fashion style? Is it up to their liking?".

Mind you that this type of questions that you coin to be a "self-reflection period after a long day" is, truthfully and blatantly speaking, not self-reflection. Self-reflection isn't about you! It isn't about how much you have gained from people, rather it's about how much you have contribute to the community.

"Have I thanked people today?" and "how many people have I helped today?" and "did I lose my temper on anyone today, and if I did, did I say sorry?" and "have I gone back on my words today?" and "how much time I have spent solely to praise and please God today?" are the kinds of correct self-reflections.

Correct and effective self-reflections should humble you, it should make you want to strive harder to please Allah SWT and help the community as much as you can. It should make you desire to become a better person. Not just want but desire.

Here's some questions you can ask yourself when you want to do some self-reflection:



HAVE I MADE A PERSON'S JOB/TASK EASIER AT WORK TODAY?

Helping out a lost or confused colleague is definitely worth trying. Don't be too selfish and think only of yourself, thinking that if you help him/her out, the chances of you getting praises from your boss, hence the chances of you getting a raise this year, are getting smaller.

Instead, lend a helping hand sincerely. Trust me, the feeling you get after helping out a friend or a colleague is just indescribable. One of the BEST feeling in the entire universe!


WHAT ARE THE THINGS I'M GRATEFUL FOR TODAY?

Listing down the stuffs that you're grateful for can just change your view of life on this Earth, and even perhaps, change how you live your life on Earth. These kinds of things will surely make you grounded and more optimistic.

Do this daily so that you can notice the positive impact it has on your life. Write it down in your journal or type it out in your phone. 


AM I A BETTER PERSON TODAY THAN I WAS YESTERDAY?

This is the question I think everybody asks themselves, even when they're not reflecting themselves. Different people has different measures on what is better. Nevertheless, you should feel like you're progressing in life rather than regressing if you're really a better person today than you were yesterday.




I hope that helps. Please do some self-reflections. It does wonders to your life. The positive changes it brings into your life can just motivate you and push yourself to higher limits. 

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This picture isn't mine. Found it on Google Images. Credits to the owner(s).



Moving onto a less serious note, we also discussed about future life partners. What type of man/woman you prefer to be your spouse? When, at what age,  do you think you want to get married?

These questions, obviously, my mother asked out of curiosity (so she said) and also as an introduction  to a topic she has longed to discuss with us (her true intentions on bringing this matter up, I think.). She gave us advice and warned us and encourage us all in the same. It never truly dawned on me that I'm 18 and most people my age have already been in a relationship at least once. 

The matter of life partners really is a complicated one. I mean, this is the person you wish and hope to spend the rest of the remaining years of your life with. He/She has to constantly remind us of our duty, to Allah and to our family and friends, to our neighbours and to the community. He/She has to, for a certain matter, be able to be on the same page with us but at the same time, "opposites attract" is also a recipe for relationships and marriages. 

Well, what have I gained from this matter of discussion? Here it is:


HAVE A CHECKLIST

List down all the characteristics and criteria that YOU want in a life partner. Sit back and evaluate honestly with no prejudice, discriminations or biased feelings. Keep a rational mind.

BE CURIOUS

If you have a person you genuinely like and feels like they are a suitable candidate as your spouse, find out more about their background, their family, their personality and beliefs. These things, if they do not suit your taste or you can't compromise with any of them, you're really going on a dead end. *cue Taylor Swift songs about confirmed disastrous relationships*

TALK TO PEOPLE YOU TRUST

Talk to people about that person to who you can rely on; your parents, your siblings or your best friend. Listen to their comments and go back to the drawing table. Again, keep a rational mind and open-minded mentality.

FAMILY FIRST

Doesn't matter who he/she is, if that person that you like cannot get along with any of your family members for materialistic and/or ridiculous reasons that don't even make sense, or worse, that person doesn't even make the effort to get along with ALL of your family members, I'd say he/she isn't the best candidate for a spouse. 





Whatever it is, talk to people and do consider others's perspective and comments when it comes to choosing spouses. Do it before you're in too deep in the relationship. Once you pass the point of no return (cue Magnets by Disclosure ft. Lorde) and you can no longer be sensible and think rationally about that person, higher chances are nobody could pull you out of that relationship but you yourself. 

Also, please respect people's opinions. Respect is key in life. If a person you like has little to no respect at all for humans and his/her inferiors or people who are less fortunate than he/she is, that person is surely not your candidate. Please run the other way. If you want to be noble, try educate that person in a respectful and non-offensive manner. Display exemplary behaviour and hope and pray, that person would follow and change for the better.
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