These pictures are't mine. Found it on Google images. Credits to the owner(s).
The blessed month of Ramadan is about to come to its end. I am very sad to be honest. This is the month where, in a literal context, Allah SWT offered us a huge sale for pahala and open the doors of heavens for us. Also this is the month where the cunning devils, syaitan, gets locked up, unable to persuade mankind to stray away from the right path, all in the power of Allah SWT. Subhanallah!
Since Ramadan is really a precious month, my mother has unofficially enforced this new "rule" that in our household: to gather as a family to just openly discuss about stuffs including religions and relationships.
So a few days ago was our third "gathering". As I said earlier, Ramadhan is about to bid goodbye and we all shared our opinions on what we've learned or achieved or gained or lost so far for 23 days of fasting. Each of my siblings and my mother has different opinions, surely, and some of the answers are:
"It makes me realise that whatever Ibadah I did during the month of fasting, I can surely do it daily. No excuses."
"It's not just about refraining yourself from eating, drinking etc. It also tests your patience. It tests your inner and mental strength. It tells you that sometimes life can be so hard you couldn't see a way out of this sticky mess, but for those who believes in Allah and keep his/her taqwa in check, there's a reward waiting for you."
"It humbles me and it put me to a waking state of mind that every single second is priceless and you shouldn't waste any of it. Make use of each second you have to build a prosperous life on Earth and a guarantee for the afterlife. It makes me realise that some people out there have little to nothing to break their fast with or to sahur with so I have and always have to be grateful."
These different answers, they baffled and amazes me and it got me thinking, do I feel the same way? Has Ramadan changed me to become a better person? If it did have, I will have to be strong to keep it that way. That's why, I think, it's really important for a family to sit down together and just talk ––– on religious matters or whatever. To be able to see different perspectives from different people, it just makes you sit back and re evaluate yourself. It lets you reflect on yourself.
Some people misunderstand the concept of self-reflection. Some would go and say "what have I achieved today?" or "how much money have I made today so that I can spend more on clothes/food/games/accessories/gadgets/etc?" or "how many people have appreciated my work and efforts today?" or even "how do people perceive my choice of fashion style? Is it up to their liking?".
Mind you that this type of questions that you coin to be a "self-reflection period after a long day" is, truthfully and blatantly speaking, not self-reflection. Self-reflection isn't about you! It isn't about how much you have gained from people, rather it's about how much you have contribute to the community.
"Have I thanked people today?" and "how many people have I helped today?" and "did I lose my temper on anyone today, and if I did, did I say sorry?" and "have I gone back on my words today?" and "how much time I have spent solely to praise and please God today?" are the kinds of correct self-reflections.
Correct and effective self-reflections should humble you, it should make you want to strive harder to please Allah SWT and help the community as much as you can. It should make you desire to become a better person. Not just want but desire.
Here's some questions you can ask yourself when you want to do some self-reflection:
HAVE I MADE A PERSON'S JOB/TASK EASIER AT WORK TODAY?
Helping out a lost or confused colleague is definitely worth trying. Don't be too selfish and think only of yourself, thinking that if you help him/her out, the chances of you getting praises from your boss, hence the chances of you getting a raise this year, are getting smaller.
Instead, lend a helping hand sincerely. Trust me, the feeling you get after helping out a friend or a colleague is just indescribable. One of the BEST feeling in the entire universe!
WHAT ARE THE THINGS I'M GRATEFUL FOR TODAY?
Listing down the stuffs that you're grateful for can just change your view of life on this Earth, and even perhaps, change how you live your life on Earth. These kinds of things will surely make you grounded and more optimistic.
Do this daily so that you can notice the positive impact it has on your life. Write it down in your journal or type it out in your phone.
AM I A BETTER PERSON TODAY THAN I WAS YESTERDAY?
This is the question I think everybody asks themselves, even when they're not reflecting themselves. Different people has different measures on what is better. Nevertheless, you should feel like you're progressing in life rather than regressing if you're really a better person today than you were yesterday.
I hope that helps. Please do some self-reflections. It does wonders to your life. The positive changes it brings into your life can just motivate you and push yourself to higher limits.
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
This picture isn't mine. Found it on Google Images. Credits to the owner(s).
Moving onto a less serious note, we also discussed about future life partners. What type of man/woman you prefer to be your spouse? When, at what age, do you think you want to get married?
These questions, obviously, my mother asked out of curiosity (so she said) and also as an introduction to a topic she has longed to discuss with us (her true intentions on bringing this matter up, I think.). She gave us advice and warned us and encourage us all in the same. It never truly dawned on me that I'm 18 and most people my age have already been in a relationship at least once.
The matter of life partners really is a complicated one. I mean, this is the person you wish and hope to spend the rest of the remaining years of your life with. He/She has to constantly remind us of our duty, to Allah and to our family and friends, to our neighbours and to the community. He/She has to, for a certain matter, be able to be on the same page with us but at the same time, "opposites attract" is also a recipe for relationships and marriages.
Well, what have I gained from this matter of discussion? Here it is:
HAVE A CHECKLIST
List down all the characteristics and criteria that YOU want in a life partner. Sit back and evaluate honestly with no prejudice, discriminations or biased feelings. Keep a rational mind.
BE CURIOUS
If you have a person you genuinely like and feels like they are a suitable candidate as your spouse, find out more about their background, their family, their personality and beliefs. These things, if they do not suit your taste or you can't compromise with any of them, you're really going on a dead end. *cue Taylor Swift songs about confirmed disastrous relationships*
TALK TO PEOPLE YOU TRUST
Talk to people about that person to who you can rely on; your parents, your siblings or your best friend. Listen to their comments and go back to the drawing table. Again, keep a rational mind and open-minded mentality.
FAMILY FIRST
Doesn't matter who he/she is, if that person that you like cannot get along with any of your family members for materialistic and/or ridiculous reasons that don't even make sense, or worse, that person doesn't even make the effort to get along with ALL of your family members, I'd say he/she isn't the best candidate for a spouse.
Whatever it is, talk to people and do consider others's perspective and comments when it comes to choosing spouses. Do it before you're in too deep in the relationship. Once you pass the point of no return (cue Magnets by Disclosure ft. Lorde) and you can no longer be sensible and think rationally about that person, higher chances are nobody could pull you out of that relationship but you yourself.
Also, please respect people's opinions. Respect is key in life. If a person you like has little to no respect at all for humans and his/her inferiors or people who are less fortunate than he/she is, that person is surely not your candidate. Please run the other way. If you want to be noble, try educate that person in a respectful and non-offensive manner. Display exemplary behaviour and hope and pray, that person would follow and change for the better.