5 minutes to 10pm.

Normally I would've been either fast asleep or continuously encouraging myself to keep continue studying until at least 11pm.

However, since the good stressful days are over (and will be coming back! yikes...!!), I am easily (and quite frankly, always) bored these days.

So, I decided that maybe it's time for me to write an entry about my feelings when SPM has ended after (I am tooo lazy to count) days from my last SPM examinations.

The life after SPM is horrible!

I thought that was the truth.... until..... the last day of my SPM examinations. *cries a river*

That night was bearable. I was just basically physically exhausted and mentally drained. Surprisingly, I wasn't hungry. (because I'm always hungry)

The next day was an eye opener. The reality just sunk into my head and my brain just shut down and I went out of control. I became nervous, anxious, worried and scared. Normal, you might say but it wasn't and still isn't to me.

When I get nervous, I bite my nails, spin and click the pen(s) (If I have any in my hands), shake my legs as well as look over a distance. Long story short, I am a mess when I have no confidence in myself.

The days after that weren't so productive at all. I miss Maths, Biology; I miss the adrenaline rush of studying and doing exercises. Maybe I am so familiar to that sort of environment on a daily basis but somehow, deep down in my very bare soul, I feel... guilty...? (sort of a mixture of sadness, guilt and despair.)

You see, I am good in learning. I think that's what I do best but bear in mind I am not good at all in acing tests. I learn well and best when I am highly interested in one matter. (Note that I wrote matter, not subject. There's a huge difference.)

I do not count myself as a nerd really mostly because I think I am not that level yet (or maybe I am?) and I surely do not regard myself as a top student.

All in all, I am just an average student.... who also happens to love learning.

I learn things in a different spectrum, through a different spectrum for a different spectrum. I learn best when I see+hear+read. I can't do either. It has got to be those three in a package.

Then I learn through the oddest ways; I learn best from strangers I realize. And I learn best if you do something to make me remember it i.e. scolding me (though I despise that) or giving me an F in my test(s).

I learn best when I make countless mistakes.

Because of my undying love for learning and how I love books, I spend most of my time reading, writing and learning which to me is very fun than watching telly. Like seriously!

It leads to an almost anti-social life. I mix around with toddlers and grown-ups often than I mix with people around my age. It, then, results me into not knowing how to act my age. People my age go shopping and hookup with their friends and go to prom and be so popular on social medias and stuffs like that, then you have me that is just way too plain and boring for the rest of the world. I, either, can be too childish or too adult-ish (it's always the latter) that even the way I speak is too fake, according to my friends. But that's just how I speak and I see no fault in it.

(Okay so how do I ended up talking about my almost zero social life here? I tend to get carried away?)

So that is basically it. My post-SPM life. I start working on Monday (cheers! Hooray!) and I know with my heart and soul that I will love my job.

Wish me luck on my first day at work and I hope you had a good day.

Night is still young but it's never too early to wish sweet dreams and good night.

May you get all the things you desire as long as it is good.

Until the next entry,

xoxo